In Memory of Douglas Baker

Below is a letter I sent to Douglas Baker's parents, but that I'd be happy for anyone to read. I doubt anyone reading this doesn't already know, but Doug died in a car crash a few months ago on his way back from an Ultimate tournament. He was two years behind me at Tech, and then we lived together for a couple years when we were both grad students at UCSB. As the showing at his funeral indicated, he had quite a few close friends and I was happy to be counted among them. We'll miss you Doug.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Baker,

Since I first heard the news of Doug's passing I've come to realize the impact he had on me. I didn't know quite what to say in Chicago, but I'd like to pass on to you a few memories I have of Doug that might illustrate what he meant to all of us. I don't know if they will serve any useful purpose except perhaps to remind me of the times I spent with him.

Near the end of the school year at Caltech, Lloyd House makes a trip to Huntington Beach for a day. While ostensibly this is just a chance to get out of Pasadena and spend a day barbequeing and playing sports at the beach, it has another purpose: it is the day that freshman get officially welcomed into the house. After pretending to throw a freshman into the ocean (interestingly, Doug was our chosen "victim" that year) upperclassmen stand in front of the members of the house and tell stories about each freshman, and I was chosen to speak about Doug. So apparent was Doug's character that after knowing him for eight months I told a story with much the same point as the one I told at his funeral. In that case, one of his friends wanted to go with us to a movie at a famous theater in Hollywood, but we had no room. Doug volunteered to step aside since he had already been to the theater. It was a small act, but I think indicative of who Doug was. This scenario would be repeated several times with other events, some less important and some more, including driving Pete Maresh and I from Chicago to Minneapolis to attend a wedding a few months later.

Of course, being friends with Doug was not always easy (as can be said for many of us). At the very beginning of his freshman year, he had announced to a few of us in Lloyd, before anything had been decided, that he was going to live in Page House. Apparently someone had different ideas and he was stuck with us, which I think in hindsight we would both agree was for the best. Since I was the athletic manager for the house, I would later find myself running Doug's intramural ultimate team. I made the significant mistake of starting Doug on the bench for the second half of a game, which angered him enough to storm off the field, and also remove anything of mine from his room and put it in a pile on the floor of my room. It was a very neat pile, mind you - he was quite respectfully declaring that we were no longer friends.

Most people who know Doug even a little are struck by how keenly he sticks to his principles. Certainly one of my favorite stories about Doug was his "appeal" letter to the Ulitmate Player's Association, in which he said he did not regret punching the other player in the face and would do it again. Whatever we might think about the initial act, it is clear that Doug would not sacrifice his principles even a bit, even if it might prevent him being banned from his favorite activity for a year. Knowing more about Doug though, I think what is important is that he does not stick to his principles simply by rule. When he thought it over he decided he was mistaken in quitting that ultimate game, apologized, and we obviously remained friends. He was willing to rethink his beliefs; if he found them wanting he would adjust, and only if they stood up to scrutiny did he adhere to them so strongly.

And for those of us who accepted or even appreciated this aspect of his personality, he could always be counted on. If I needed a ride from the airport I knew it was always there; if I needed someone to spot me while I lifted weights he would (even though he probably thought I was hopeless). When I was lying sick on my bathroom floor he got me popsicles from the store. I would usually cook dinner for both of us (and I really didn't realize how nice that was until I lived by myself again in New Haven), but if I ever wanted him to do it all I had to do was ask. He was clearly raised to be polite and courteous. If a meal wasn't his favorite he would still thank me and say it was good. From time to time he would give me a glowing commendation, and it felt that much better knowing it was deserved.

While we had the issues that all people living together had, I could not have asked for a better apartment-mate. We coexisted in a way that I think even friends don't normally do. We used each other's things, and shared all our food. We got hooked on each other's favorite television shows - some of them at least. We would carpool together in the morning, and during the day he would call and ask if I were coming home for dinner. He would get me to go to pickup ultimate and bridge. If I made extra food sometime when he wasn't there I would leave it for him and he knew it was his, and the same for me. These are things you do not appreciate until they are gone.

He was well liked by my family, even though when he visited my sister thought I had brought in a homeless person. (He was still asleep on the couch when she woke up, and in the absence of Linda he did not always shave). Again he was polite when expected to be, but fit in quickly by alternatively making fun of me or my sister. Not only was he accomodating when anyone came to visit me in California, he also was genuinely enthusiastic about meeting new people and spending time with my friends and family.

Many people have commented on Doug's teaching. It is certainly a shame that more people will not be able to learn from him. He was very demanding of his students, but moreso of himself. I saw this firsthand in ultimate games where he would yell at players who weren't giving their best, but would enthusiastically help me become better if I was willing to make the effort. While I was never his student in a more traditional sense, we could also learn from each other as peers during discussions about game theory or other extremely nerdy topics (tit-for-tat always wins!).

I visited California recently, and spent a few days in Santa Barbara. Many things there reminded me of him, and we all missed his presence. My usual Saturday routine while I lived there included getting together with Ben Mathews and Doug and playing a round of disc golf. The sport is sufficiently different from ultimate that at first I had the upper hand, but when Doug started to beat me he made sure I noticed. Fortunately he could take it just as well - when I scored a rare point on him in a pickup ultimate game I ran to where he was lying on the ground (he dove trying to prevent the score) and spiked the disc. Some people thought it was over the top, but on the drive home Doug said he knew it was coming. He was much more upset that he let me score, though I think we both enjoyed the exchange.

Before our weekly disc golf we'd all have lunch together, and frequently things would stretch to dinner and beyond. It was routine, but one of the most enjoyable parts of living in Santa Barbara. It was difficult to be there without him. In his memory, a few of us will be contributing something to the course we played so many times together. Even though it is hard, I'd like to be reminded each time I go back and play there of the good times we had.

It's now Thanksgiving, and I'm reminded of the little (and sometimes larger) family we built in Santa Barbara, sharing a turkey dinner in my little studio when he was still an undergrad or in our apartment together in Carpinteria a few years later. Doug was an integral part of that family, and he will be sorely missed.

My sincerest condolences,

David Hiller

For anyone who played disc golf with Doug or is otherwise interested, let me know and I'll keep you informed about a planned memorial at Evergreen Disc Golf Course in Goleta, CA.